Beneath the Surface
Last month I attended a wedding where the tree in the picture above was the setting for the ceremony. I was enthralled with this massive tree. I wanted to learn about it; how old was it? What kind of tree was it? What made all the branches grow? What was beneath that I couldn’t see that created its beauty?
So much of our grief is below the surface of what is unseen but felt; unspoken but experienced; unmentioned but obvious. How do we learn about our grief within the confines of these seemingly limitations?
Dr. H. Norman Wright, traumatologist and grief expert says, “The more you learn about grief, the more you’ll be able to handle it better.” Dr. Wright isn’t just an expert on grief because he’s studied it for over 40 years; he’s experienced it. He lost a child and his spouse. I recently heard him speak and when he was talking, he choked up and said, “welcome back, grief.” He was familiar with his own grief and comfortable enough to allow himself to feel it. He invited his grief into the present space he was in.
Becoming our own grief expert begins with where we are. We have experienced a loss and we are grieving. Our own self talk can get in the way when we ask “what’s wrong with me?” When we think we should be okay by now. What we tell ourselves about our loss is crucial. The messages we give ourselves about our grief journey are critical as we learn to “handle it better” as Dr. Wright says.
An invitation awaits us as we learn more about ourselves in our grief and below the surface. We can welcome our grief when it knocks or leave it standing at the door. The choice is ours.
