A Time for Everything

In the past week, I attended a funeral and a 40th wedding anniversary celebration. I mourned with the family at the memorial and rejoiced at the marking of a 40 year union of dear friends. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says, there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

Grief and joy seem an unlikely duet, indescribable pain and a buoyant sense of elation.
Is there a bridge between them? How do we reconcile the reality of experiencing both when it seems like they cancel each other out?

The late Frederick Buechner, author and theologian said, “Joy is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes....”

There are several things that we can consider; First, we are uniquely wired by our Creator to experience a wide array of emotions. Our brains have a freeway of neural pathways that let us feel, think, sense, taste, touch, smell, cry, and laugh. There are thousands of intersections where our emotions sometimes collide with one another.

Second, we can have a sense of joy without guilt in the midst of grief. I remember the first time I laughed after my husband died. It was about five months into my grief journey, and I had this sense of guilt that I shouldn’t be enjoying a moment of joy with a friend. I had to remind myself it was okay. I was not disrespecting my husband’s memory by feeling a sense of happiness. I was allowing myself to heal.

Third, we can allow two polarizing emotions to coexist in the same space. The welcome mat is there to invite them together and for us to notice, name, and not neglect either one. One way to look at it would be arriving at a hospital to see a mother who has just given birth, with the utter joy of holding her newborn, while two floors away you are comforting a family that has said their final goodbyes to their loved one. Same place in a different space. It’s not one or the other, but both together. We can experience our own sorrow and joy and share in someone else’s knowing that “there is a time for everything and a time for every activity under heaven.” 

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download

Shared Sorrow

The shared experience of loss is powerful. We each have our own unique grief journey; however, we are not alone. Authors, Patrick O’Malley and Tim Madigan from their book, “Getting Grief Right”, offer this: “Support groups offer a beautiful balance between the uniqueness of the individual’s grief narrative and the universal experience of loss that joins individual stories into one, the story of humanity.” In other words, we are better together, and we aren’t meant to walk alone.

If you do an online search for grief support groups, there will be multiples to choose from. Most hospitals offer support groups through hospice. Some churches have their own support groups for their local congregation. One program that many churches host is called GriefShare. “GriefShare seminars and support groups are led by people who understand what you are going through and want to help. You’ll gain access to valuable GriefShare resources to help you recover from your loss and look forward to rebuilding your life.” (from the GriefShare website)

In 2019, a year after my husband suddenly died, I attended a GriefShare group at my church.

For 13 weeks I attended a meeting with other people who were wondering if we would make it after the loss of our loved one. I found three things in attending a GriefShare support group.

1. There was an unspoken hope in sharing our stories. A box of Kleenex was strategically placed so we could have permission to cry. Our tears were accepted and honored.

2. This was a place to put my grief. Going through the second year following the loss of my husband, I held on to the knowledge that I was going to go to a meeting that week; the meeting was a rope to hold on to.

3. The GriefShare videos gave voices and words to the unspeakable experience of losing a loved one. There were professionals who shared insight and people who shared their stories of life in the aftermath of loss.

There will be many moments of grieving alone; however, we can discover others who have been where we are, who understand, and give us a look that says, “I know”.

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download