Where Do I Fit?
By Christine Kalleberg
I once read that grief can be compared to waves in the ocean. Some days hit us like a big, huge wave that knocks you over, other days are just a gentle lapping at your feet. No matter how grief hits us, we need to have people we “fit” with, who can understand and can be by our side either as a silent, compassionate friend, or someone to talk to and hash out those emotions.
My first experience with grief was when my mom died. I had no idea how to navigate all the different emotions I felt. Most of my friends just said I’m sorry, and I was expected to move on.
Many years later, my grandson died soon after birth. The entire family was grieving, and I felt as if I could give little comfort to them since I had difficulty finding it myself.
I found that I fit with books written by others who had experienced loss, like CS Lewis who wrote A Grief Observed, or Nancy Guthrie who wrote, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow.
Then came February of 2019 when my husband died suddenly of a heart attack. Only those who have been through that type of loss can understand the myriad of feelings that you have never felt before.
God brought many people who allowed me to just say things that were on my mind and did not care how off the wall those words may have been. Most of the people God sent were others who lost their spouses, but there were many more, from work, church, even Home Depot. They helped me to not feel so alone. It surprised me to find so many people with whom I fit.
I just passed the four-year mark since my husband died. There are still moments of grief that assail me. But when I look to God, the One that the Psalms says is the “protector of widows”, I hope, I trust, and I remember the perfect place that I will always fit—the everlasting arms of God.
