The first year after my husband suddenly died was about survival. I just wanted to make it through another day. Into the second year and beyond, I was on a quest to discover how to make a different life than what I had known. There was a hole in my soul that I didn’t know how to fill.

Dr. Robert Neimeyer, a professor of psychology and active clinician at the University of Memphis, author of over 30 books, says, “Approximately 70-80% of individuals who engage in new activities or hobbies to cope with grief report an improvement in their overall emotional resilience and adaptive coping skills.” This fact provides validation and verifies a principle of good grieving; the empty space of losing someone opens up a place to be filled.

In living out my own grief and watching others who have experienced loss, I’ve observed a variety of ways people have created these new activities or hobbies. A dear friend bought a trailer and now hooks it up to her truck and goes on camping adventures. I admire her willingness to learn a new set of skills as she discovers beauty in the outdoors. Another friend has found ways to serve in her church and volunteering in the community. Many women find they are able to travel together and explore new places.

Finding a new interest doesn’t happen overnight. Like trying on shoes, it takes time to try them on, find what you don’t like in order to discover what you do like.

My own journey has led me to write. Words became a channel to lament, pray, and then give to others along the way. Writing was the process that allowed me to move through the maze of grief. Today it’s one of my “go-to’s” as I create a different life than I once knew.

Whether you have found a new activity or not, don’t beat yourself up. It takes time to find something that you enjoy. One of the best benefits in the discovery of a new activity is connecting with others along the way. It’s a double win; experiencing connection in something you enjoy.

Amidst the loss and grief awaits a space to be filled with good things.

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

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A dear friend sends me beautiful handmade cards with notes, quotes, and poems. This is a recent one I wanted to share. All along the grief journey, I’ve met so many other women who have been present in my pain, offered their love and prayers, and walk along the path with me.

I pray you have found others who “walk beside you or come in and carry you out.”

Poem Sisters

Author Unknown – Whoever she is, thank you!!

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don’t do what they’re supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT………

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you
have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life
will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley’s end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you…Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended
family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn’t be the same without women, and
neither would I. When we began this adventure called
womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or
sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we
would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on
to all the women who help make your life meaningful.