August 30, 2023, was recognized as National Grief Awareness Day. In acknowledgment of the day, I did a post on social media to give attention for others to recognize the reality of what grief looks like. We don’t need to be told it’s National Grief Awareness Day; we know it every day. We sense the loss amidst our daily life. We sense it when we look at a photo that pops up on our phone. We know it when we go to the grocery store and pass the favorite item our loved one enjoyed. We know it when we climb into an empty bed. We are living in an awareness of our grief every day.

In a recent podcast with Kate Bowler, Dr. Thomas G. Long pastor and author, (Dr. Long has written several books including Accompany Them with Singing: The Christian Funeral and a book written with Thomas Lynch called The Good Funeral), shared some thoughts that are worthy of consideration: (this is from the transcript of the podcast):

“Part of the challenge there is that grief is so unpredictable. It doesn’t come in stages, as some people have tried to argue. It sometimes feels like numbness, a nothingness. It sometimes feels like a thunderstorm of rage and pain. It comes and goes. It grabs us in unexpected moments and the pastoral task in response to the grieving starts with a silence, I think. We just wait it out and let it pour. And then I don’t think we ought to neglect at some point (and sensing when the time is right is hard) but there is a right time to say we are not abandoned by the love of God, even in the depth of our brokenness. Where could we go from God’s spirit? We can’t go to hell and get away from it. We can’t go to the top of the mountain and get away from it. God is always there, providing, loving, sustaining…. Holding us together, pulling us apart when we need to be pulled apart."

The last two sentences grab me and steady my weak legs; “God is always there, providing, loving, sustaining…. Holding us together, pulling us apart when we need to be pulled apart.”

I would add this; God is piecing us back together, binding up our wounds and healing our broken hearts, one stitch at a time. Grief is the avenue where only God can do His healing work in us. We grieve with hope as we continue to move through and forward.

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

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The first year after my husband suddenly died was about survival. I just wanted to make it through another day. Into the second year and beyond, I was on a quest to discover how to make a different life than what I had known. There was a hole in my soul that I didn’t know how to fill.

Dr. Robert Neimeyer, a professor of psychology and active clinician at the University of Memphis, author of over 30 books, says, “Approximately 70-80% of individuals who engage in new activities or hobbies to cope with grief report an improvement in their overall emotional resilience and adaptive coping skills.” This fact provides validation and verifies a principle of good grieving; the empty space of losing someone opens up a place to be filled.

In living out my own grief and watching others who have experienced loss, I’ve observed a variety of ways people have created these new activities or hobbies. A dear friend bought a trailer and now hooks it up to her truck and goes on camping adventures. I admire her willingness to learn a new set of skills as she discovers beauty in the outdoors. Another friend has found ways to serve in her church and volunteering in the community. Many women find they are able to travel together and explore new places.

Finding a new interest doesn’t happen overnight. Like trying on shoes, it takes time to try them on, find what you don’t like in order to discover what you do like.

My own journey has led me to write. Words became a channel to lament, pray, and then give to others along the way. Writing was the process that allowed me to move through the maze of grief. Today it’s one of my “go-to’s” as I create a different life than I once knew.

Whether you have found a new activity or not, don’t beat yourself up. It takes time to find something that you enjoy. One of the best benefits in the discovery of a new activity is connecting with others along the way. It’s a double win; experiencing connection in something you enjoy.

Amidst the loss and grief awaits a space to be filled with good things.