Grow and Give

During the 90’s, I heard of a band called U2 but didn’t give it too much thought. My life was filled with work and raising a family. A few years ago, they were appearing in San Diego on my daughter’s birthday, so as a gift, my husband and I bought tickets for her and her brother to attend the concert.

I soon discovered the lyrics to some of their songs and have since become a fan. The lead singer, who goes by the name of Bono, has since written a memoir where he shares his story of losing his mother at the age of 14. “The wounds that loss opened up in my life became the kind of void that I filled with music and friendship…and really an ‘ever-increasing’ faith”.

Loss opens up a cavernous hole in us and we get to decide what to fill it with. Options are limitless. We can fill it with busyness, digital distractions, stuff we don’t need, and an array of things to numb the pain. However, there is a door to discover something more, that fills us so we can offer it to others. Like Bono, his music has been a gift to the world, offering hope and imagery in a culture in desperate need of meaning.  

What have we placed in the void our loss created that is being recycled to give to others? Where there was companionship with our loved one, now there are new friendships to invest in. Where there was a shared experience with our loved one, we can create new experiences to share with those we choose.  

In reflecting on Bono’s quote above, I identify with the “ever-increasing” faith. Amidst the wide expanse of the grief and sorrow, I’ve discovered a deeper and wider sense of God’s love for me. As my faith has grown, the opportunities to invest in others has given me a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction. Out of the rumble and empty space we can choose ways to grow and give.

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download

Unwelcome Titles

We use labels and titles frequently to describe people: my mechanic, my friend, my pastor, my co-worker. We refer to people we love by calling them son, daughter, sister, mother, father, husband, or wife. These titles identify what kind of relationship we have with someone.

What about a title we don’t want to be identified with? How do we adapt to a label we don’t want to have? 

I never considered that I would be referred to as a “widow” when I got married. Filling out a form for the first time, where I checked a box whether I’m married or single, my stomach had a knot. I have wrestled with using the word to identify my current state. The label “widow” carries a heavy weight for me. Part of my wrestling is the response from other people, I imagine that people pity or feel sorry for me. Sadly, I put too much focus on what people think.

The other piece of the puzzle of identifying myself as a widow, stares straight at me from a mirror that I am no longer a wife to my husband. My title as a wife is in the past tense. I was a wife, now I’m not. The sadness is there as well as the reality.

In my wrestling, I’ve come to a place of reconciling myself with the title of “widow.” It's only part of who I am….I’m still a mother, friend, therapist, writer, and child of God. When I googled the word “widow”, I discovered that it is mentioned over 100 times in the Bible. Somehow it seems that God places value and mentions them so others will take care to protect them. My former pastor said that God has favorites; orphans and widows.

James 1:27 (NIV) “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Seeing how God values widows opens the door for me to identify myself as a widow. I am seen, valued, protected, and esteemed by God. As I consider and ponder this truth, it begins to overshadow my dislike of the word that labels my status. I am a woman without a husband, a “widow”, but seen, loved, valued, and cherished by God, my Heavenly Father.

"Grateful Yet Grieving"

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download