By Karen Magnuson

But God…
When, in November of 2017, pulmonary and cerebral embolisms following knee replacement surgery nearly ended my fit, active husband’s life, I was counseled by “experts” to do the merciful thing. “Let him go,” as there was little hope of ANY neurological recovery.
But God…
I refused to receive that, and against all odds believing Mark 11:24, I had him for another 4+ years—damaged, completely disabled, legally blind, requiring 24-hr care, but very much the same funny, positive, uncomplaining man I’d married. The “experts” were wrong. But for two hours each morning, it was the two of us living in God’s faithfulness. Then two weeks before Christmas 2021, an out-of-the-blue diagnosis of leukemia hit him, and I had but one week to prepare and say goodbye.
But God…
So many face this loss with NO time for preparation, and my heart breaks for you. Yet I know the Lord will be with you on that path, as He was with me. Everyone’s life is ultimately a personal journey, isn’t it?
But God…
Our life/marriage verse was Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge Him and He SHALL direct your paths.” Every need we ever had during those years was met, yet now it was just me, and I was no longer a wife and/or caregiver.
But God…
While GriefShare and other groups for those facing loss are wonderful, that wasn’t me; instead, I read, and there are wonderful books written just for us by those who “know.” God knows exactly what we need; we are each unique, and He knows that! ASK, and you shall receive from Him what YOU need. Each morning, I came to Him and found Him meeting new needs I didn’t even know I had.
But God…
When “those who know” suggested that in time, it would be helpful to “change things” in the home to reduce painful memories. God allowed me to have a sewer backup and flood that kept me out of my home for nearly five months and when I returned, nearly everything was new! (and paid for by my Homeowner insurance policy!)
But God…
What are some of the life-changing lessons I have learned while traveling this new, unwanted journey? I learned that time is NOT enough—not by itself. I also had to act, and thankfully, there were helpful lists of things that have to be done when a spouse is gone. Going through “things” was and is a way of putting memories where they now belong—in the past. I learned that if I truly trusted God with my life, I had to surrender my demand for answers and ask Him to not only use me in my new circumstance but to help me find joy in it.
But God…
I still cry and miss him, maybe not as often, but still. Best of all, though, is the knowledge that he is happier now where I know he is than he ever was in this life, and he is whole once again.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding - In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

‘‘Grateful Yet Grieving’’

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download

Recently, I met a lovely woman named Estella, who gave me a unique picture of what grief looks like. After losing her husband, she said it felt like “landing in Jello.” Her words created a vivid image of the jelly-like concoction that wiggles and moves when you touch it. Looking at Jello a little closer there are parallels that are similar to grief.

Jello is without structure and messy. Jello has elements of fluidity and motion. There is no stability in Jello. In considering the texture and consistency, it is defined by what holds it: it is form-fitted to the container where it resides. It takes a unique shape over time. It’s a process.

Grief enters our lives as an undefined, wordless state. We’ve entered an unknown experience. It begins to reconfigure our lives. Our grief is unique and individual to each of us and will change over time. C. S. Lewis described grief in his book, A Grief Observed; “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.”

Earlier this year, I took an online course with Dr. Mary Francis O’Connor, author of the book
“The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss. She explains that grief is different from grieving. Here’s a summary of her definition:

1. Grief is a wave, a single point in time.
2. Grief is a human emotion with awareness of the loss years later.
3. Grieving is a process and changes over time.

Her main point is, “Grief doesn’t end, but grief will change over time as we go through the grieving process.”

Given the distinction between grief and grieving is helpful as a way to understand where we are in our process. We don’t stay where we started. Grieving, like Jello, takes shape as we move through, not get over our loss.