Pioneering our Grief

When my kids were in elementary school, part of the curriculum was studying the Oregon Trail. One of the projects included that they dress up for Pioneer Days. I remember the books we used to see what the pioneers wore, how far they had to go, and what hardships they endured to find a new life.

As we grieve, I feel like we are pioneers as we traverse the grief journey into a different life. Doing something we’ve never done before is daunting. Grief does not come with a GPS or a book of instructions.  Each of us embarks on an unknown path as we mourn our loss.

Levi Lusko, pastor and author of the book, “Through the Eyes of a Lion: Facing Impossible Pain, Finding Incredible Power,” details his journey after the sudden loss of his 5-year-old daughter 5 days before Christmas in 2012. In a recent podcast, I listened as he explained the idea of sorting out your grief. Like laundry, we can separate our grief into different containers. One container is marked “Cherish,” where we hold onto the photos, memories, and items we are keeping in honor of our loved ones. The other container is for “Mourning,” to name what’s been taken away. And the last container is marked “Look forward to,” where we place our hope and plans.

I can’t help but wonder if the pioneers who came west didn’t have to sort and decide what to keep, what to leave behind, and choose to set their hope on the future as they caravaned across the unknown.

We, too, can decide what to cherish, what to mourn, and what to look forward to in the future. As pioneers, we can trust God and hold tightly to His promises that He will not leave us but is with us each and every step of the way.

‘‘Grateful Yet Grieving’’

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download

It's Not a Race

Grieving in our Western culture is not easy. Speed and ease are keys to managing life. We are often encouraged to “hurry up and get over it.” Grief expert David Kessler asks this question: “How do we grieve in a world that wants us to hurry up and grieve?”

A friend who lives in Croatia shared with me the evidence that a grieving person in Croatian culture is to wear black for an extended period of time, up to 40 days. This expression of mourning allows people to see the evidence of a person’s loss. It appears there is an honoring of grief, not a hurrying.

Because our grief is unique and individual, we will all grieve accordingly.

During my first year of losing my husband, I was asked, “Are you better yet?” I don’t recall what I said, but I thought, “I don’t have the flu; my husband died.”

In our culture, we want to see progress and completion. Grief is unlike anything we can measure by a progressive set of steps. There’s not a course completion with a certificate that says you finished. Grief is a normal response to the loss of a relationship where there was attachment. Grief is rooted in love and continues even after the death of our loved one.

The process of getting through what we won’t get over is arduous, to say the least. Time passes, and grief will look different from how it did in the first weeks and months. Where we are is not where we will stay. As we process, express, and find coping skills to manage our grief, we can take our time as we move through, not get over.

Thankfully, grief is not a race but a journey where we find others along the way to encourage us to keep going.

‘‘Grateful Yet Grieving’’

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download