Major Shift

Happiness is a popular pursuit. We are not in short supply of being bombarded by the prospect of happiness in a cup, a car, a cruise, a clothing item, or whatever else we see on our screens 24/7.

When I consider my own personal quest for happiness, I have come to find a major shift in how I see it, define it, and how it is drastically different from joy. I recently discovered a quote that made me pause, by pastor and author Walter Wangerin Jr., where he said; 

"The difference between shallow happiness and a deep, sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can't stand pain. Joy, on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and of endurance into character, and of character into hope—and the hope that has become our joy does not (as happiness must for those who depend on it) disappoint us."

In writing this post, I needed to read this quote at least a dozen times to grasp the definitions the author uses. It makes no sense. Each sentence has weight in creating a major shift in how joy is different from happiness.

When I read Wangerin’s bio, he wrote from a place of pain and was well acquainted with sorrow. He lived with cancer for 15 years, which ended his life in 2021. He knew sorrow, and he knew joy. Deep vs. shallow. Enduring vs. fleeting. Forged in the fire vs. formed by circumstances. Hard fought vs. easily-filled.

The change agent was sorrow. Like a house, happiness was evicted when sorrow arrived. In the absence of happiness, there was space for sorrow to “rise” and take up residence, transforming “suffering into endurance, endurance into character, and character hope.” (Romans 5:5)

Our grief does not evade joy. This kind of joy is a demonstration of God’s grace. This joy creates hope that never disappoints.

Considering all of this, I’m wondering if grief and sorrow hold a capacity for something we can’t see yet, but is being formed: something deeper, while gradually turning our heartbreak into hope.

Just because it’s not visible doesn’t mean it’s not forming. We may just have to wait.

‘‘Grateful Yet Grieving’’

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download

Gridlock of Grief

Living in Southern California for most of my adult life, I’ve been stuck in traffic on numerous occasions. The north/south corridor between Camp Pendleton and San Diego is frequently a source of congestion. When driving home a few years ago, what normally would have taken 50 minutes took almost three hours.

It was gridlock; stop, then go a little ways, then stop again and move forward a little at a time.

At times, our grief can feel like gridlock: forward, then back, then stop, then move a little forward. In my early months after my husband died suddenly, I felt like I was on an elevator that had jolted down the shaft and would stop and start as I eventually made my way back up. There were moments of coming to a complete stop to catch my breath. Then there would be moments of bewilderment and sorrow.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, grief expert, says, “I have had the privilege of meeting hundreds of widows and widowers in my decades as a grief counselor. They come to me with their stories of loss—and, ultimately, healing—and I bear witness. They want you to know that you will survive. How? Through actively and openly expressing your grief, one day at a time. If you mourn well, over time and with the support of others, your grief will soften. No, it will never end, but your grief will become less sharp and all-consuming. You can go forward in your life with meaning and purpose.”

The hope found in Dr. Wolfelt’s words offers us a sense of unlocking the gridlock as we process, express, feel, name, and give time and attention to our grief. I appreciate how he phrases, “mourn well.” At first glance, it sounds strange and unwelcome. However, giving our grief space and time opens the door to healing and growth. Because we loved well, we can “mourn well.”

‘‘Grateful Yet Grieving’’

FREE ebook by Pam Luschei | Click HERE To Download