Created for Connection
No matter if you have lost a loved one 6 months ago, 6 years ago, or 12 years ago, one of the biggest challenges we face is loneliness in our life after loss.
Last year, the U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, issued a 71-page Advisory Warning of an American “Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” with all the danger that classification implies.
Six months after my husband suddenly died, a woman in my church lost her spouse. Three weeks after I attended the memorial service for her husband, we went for Thai food, and a friendship began. We started meeting for a walk and dinner or coffee. As we walked out our grief, we found solace in knowing we were not alone.
A year and a half into my grief journey, I asked the women’s pastor at my church if there was a GriefShare group. When she shook her head, “No,” I researched and trained so we could start a group for others who had lost a loved one.
In that group, there were kindred spirits with whom we all shared the excruciating experience of the loss of a loved one. We would meet weekly, listen, and share our stories with empathy and compassion. Connections were created, which gave us a sense of not being alone. We were all in the same park, on different paths, where our lives intersected. As we sat next to each other, we knew that every person in the room “got it.”
Withdrawing and isolation are not where we heal; finding other people and sharing our stories is where we heal. Research shows that our brains change when we tell stories of loss in a safe setting.
The verse in Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up.” It goes on to say, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”
We are created for connection. We aren’t meant to do life alone.