Eight-Year Remembrance
Last week marked the 8th anniversary of my husband’s death. In one way, it seems like last week, and in another strange way, it feels like a lifetime ago. My life has changed so much.
Over the past 8 years, a greater distance has occurred, allowing me to see things in a different dimension. It’s as if I have been taken out of the front row and moved into the balcony of my life. With a wider view, I can see how far I’ve come. I didn’t stay in the same place as I was. There is life after loss. It’s, of course, a different life. I’ve experienced what they call post-traumatic growth.
Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is the process of change involved in developing beyond previous levels of functioning, and it can help us make sense of our world and our lives.
Some of the growth I’ve experienced can’t be measured precisely, but comes through awareness over time. Like with most losses, change is inevitable. Change and loss bring transition.
What I now know and have is a greater appreciation of life’s moments, being present, and developing a deep sense of gratitude for what I did have and what I still have. Gratitude has accompanied my grief from the very beginning.
My relationships have taken priority. Time spent with people is intentional, deeply satisfying, and life-giving. I’m moving away from taking people for granted and trying to pay closer attention as a listener.
My perspective on daily life issues, problems, and challenges has shifted. Big deals before are downsized. Not getting the parking spot I wanted is minimized. When you’ve experienced a major loss, a lot of what used to bother you becomes pretty minor. In the big picture, life’s little things stay small.
My faith has deepened as I’ve grown in my relationship with God. In the depths of my sorrow and sadness, I found hope, comfort, and solace from God through His Word, and prayer; both wordless and laments.
Our losses change us. We can grow in our grief. The pain will lessen, and love will remain. David Kessler, a grief expert, says, “What is the goal of grief? It’s to remember with more love than pain, in your own time, in your own way.” We loved, so we grieve, and we can grow.