Myths About Grief
In the first year after my husband suddenly died, unbeknownst to me, I discovered some myths about grief. There were some unspoken expectations and mistaken assumptions I perceived from people around me.
I recall being asked some odd questions, like, “Are you better yet?” Having grief brain, I can’t remember what my response was. But I do remember the thoughts I had: “I’m not getting over the flu. My husband is dead, and no, I’m not better yet.” Clearly, the person was not aware of how a major loss affects a person. Somewhere in there, it appeared that there was an assumption that grieving people need to get better and make it quick.
As I’ve been on my grief journey and studied grief, I’m finding some truth busters to counteract the cultural myths of grief. Here are a few facts:
1. Grief is hard work. We don’t get over our loss. We learn to live with it.
2. Grief is proof that we loved someone. We don’t stop loving them.
3. Grief changes us over time. We do not stay where we begin.
4. Grief creates a deep awareness of how short life is. We live accordingly.
5. Grief offers a capacity to deepen our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. We grieve what we lost, but find gratitude in what remains.
6. Grief gives us memories that create an enduring connection with our loved one. We form a treasure box as we remember our loved one.
7. Grief is our own unique, individual journey. We honor our loved one and ourselves when we don’t compare losses. We take as long as we need, on our own path.
Knowing the facts about grief offers us a shame-free, non-judgmental space to grieve in the way we need to. Putting aside others’ expectations of how we process our loss brings growth out of our grief.