What Tears Tell Us
Our culture has an aversion to crying. I’ve heard people apologize, dismiss, and feel guilty and embarrassed for their tears. I’ve seen people contain and control their expression of their grief. Often, I’ve observed the message behind the holding back of tears to be a belief: “big girls don’t cry.”
For some of us, when we were young, we heard, “I’ll give you something to cry about,” or “go to your room, no one wants to see that.” Two things are happening. One, we believe that our tears are a sign of weakness. And second, our tears make other people uncomfortable.
Our bodies are beautifully complex. There is a dynamic system wired in our brains to express what can only be released through our tears. Tears are the expression of grief over the loss of someone we have loved. Our deep attachment to our person has formed neurons in our brain. We loved, and so we will grieve.
Research has shown the value of tears and the biological processes they involve. Tears of grief are different than tears when we are cutting an onion. When we cry looking at a photo, or a date on the calendar, or a memory pops up, those tears contain leucine-enkephalin, which is related to endorphins. Endorphins are in the family of hormones that act as a natural painkiller.
Expressing tears is both a release and a relief for our bodies.
There seems to be a rhythm between crying, sighing, and breathing, allowing ourselves to come into a sense of well-being after we cry.
The term “have a good cry” is reflective of the benefits of our tears.
There’s a synchrony in the third chapter of Ecclesiastes describing a time and season for everything under the sun. I love verse 3, stating there is “a time to weep.” Let’s take it as a permission slip to let ourselves have a good cry when we need it.